[geeks] falling in love with my wife, v2.0

[Mike Hebel]

I welcome her back if she's willing to decend once again into this 
morass of fart-conduits and explosive erections. ;-)

Seriously, it's good to hear that she's better!

Bill Bradford wrote:
> Warning: long sappy story ahead.  Ignore if you're more concerned about NFS
> packets or OpenGL acceleration.
> 
> Over the past week, I've fallen in love with my wife, for the second time.
> 
> I met Amy in February of 1998.  We met on an IRC channel, and were also both
> members of a mailing list I ran at the time (SWGoths; a group that I am no 
> longer associated with).  Anyway, we ran into each other on IRC.  I was a
> server operator at the time, and almost /killed (disconnected) her because
> I thought her nickname (TurtleX) was a bot (automation).
> 
> Luckily for me, I hesitated.  She handed me a cookie.  Things went downhill
> from there. 8-)  (just kidding)
> 
> We've been together since 1998.  For all of that time, we've basically been
> married in each other's eyes, but we only officially did all the paperwork
> and exchanged rings, etc, just a bit over a year ago (March 31st, 2001, in
> Chattanooga, TN).  Only difference really is that we have rings now and if
> we ever get divorced, she gets half my shit. 8-)
> 
> Anyway.. For the past couple of years, behind the scenes, things aint been
> going so well in Bradfordland.  We went from starcrossed lovers fucking like
> wild monkeys, to basically being roommates that happened to sleep in the same
> bed.  People talk about the spark going out - well, this one was hit by a full
> load of halon.  We fought.  (about everything.. money, cars, stuf she 
> wanted, stuff I wanted... everything).  Nothing ever seemed to help.  We
> were both cranky.  As I said, basically we just shared a house.
> 
> In February 2001, things started to get better.  I was diagnosed in late 
> November 2000 with obstructive sleep apnea (OSA), which explained my LOUD
> (not just loud, but LOUD - the sleep study tech called it "Extreme", and 
> they see people snoring for a living) snoring, so bad that Amy had started
> to sleep in a separate room.  It also explained my constant being exhausted -
> I would sleep 12 hours, but then get up and fall asleep in the shower, or
> while typing.  Nothing more embarrasing than the head of your department at
> work waking you up because your head is on your keyboard and its beeping and
> everyone around you is looking into your cube... 
> 
> Anyway.. I was diagnosed with sleep apnea.  They called it "severe".  Normal
> diagnosis..  Sleep apnea is when you have 4 to 7 "events" (obstruction of
> breath, stopping of breath, etc) an hour.  Insurance kicks in and pays for 
> treatment at 47 events/hour.  They "clocked" me at 112/hour.  I was getting
> NO (none at all) REM sleep, and got down to 87% oxygen blood saturation (where
> normal is 98% or so).  This had been going on as long as I could remember, but
> started getting extreme (the exhaustion) around 1998.
> 
> In February 2001, they finally got the insurance bit sorted out, and put me
> on a CPAP (constant positive air pressure) mask.  This is basically a mask
> that I wear over my nose (or with two "nozzles" inserted directly into my
> nostrils, making a seal) that blows pressurized air (12cm) into my airway
> while I sleep at night, keeping it open and letting me breathe normally.  Not
> only does this stop my snoring, but it lets me get full deep REM sleep, and
> get rest "like a normal person".  The first night i was on it, Amy came in
> to check on me three or four times, fearing that I was dead because she 
> didnt hear ANYTHING - no snoring, etc, at all.  Thats how different it was. 
> I slept four hours that first night, and got up feeling like I was on crack
> and had drank a pot of espresso.  Everything was bright and shiny again.  I 
> had energy.  I could live life again.
> 
> I've been on CPAP since then.  Minor annoyance at times, but we've gotten used
> to it, and its worth it.  I dont care if I look like darth vader at night - 
> i can sleep, and that makes it worth it.  The reason I mention it is an example
> of how something very relatively simple can make a HUGE change in someone's
> life.. Modern medical technology is a great thing.  We'll both tell you that -
> read on for the other side of the story.
> 
> On to Amy.  Things were fine after we met.. for a while.. Then, she started
> to get cranky.  Irritiable.  Downright bitchy and mean occasionally.  we'd
> have bad fights - but nothing that would make either one of us leave; we're
> both too stubborn for that.  We'd be screaming at each other, then ten minutes
> later, "hey, lets go for ice cream... " "okay!"  However, despite the good
> times, we had just as many bad times.. caused by a lot of things, from my
> bad habit of spending too much time on the computer, to being cranky in the
> mornings, to her being self-centered and bossy and demanding.  We got 
> married a year ago, after I got on the CPAP, but that didnt solve things -
> we still fought, but not as often.. discontent was still present.  We got
> married because we both love each other - we both knew SOMETHING was wrong, but
> didnt know what it was or how to go about fixing it.  We both beleived that 
> whatever it was, we could find it and fix it.
> 
> The discontent wasnt restricted to here at home - it flowed out onto the
> mailing lists (or whatever/whoever was the nearest target) as well.  You've 
> seen it - one minute Amy would be fine, and the next minute she'd be mean, 
> viciously ripping someone to shreds over a tiny insignificant detail.  I 
> chalked it up to "amy just being amy", she would be like "hey, I'm honest, 
> fucking deal with it, I'm not going to change."
> 
> Two months ago, however, things started to explain themselves.  Amy went
> to a doctor for strep throat.  The nurse who saw her took a look at her
> and asked if Amy had ever heard of or been diagnosed with PCOS (Polycystic
> Ovarian Syndrome).  She said no, she'd never heard of it, and never been
> looked at for it.  An appointment was made with a local endocrinologist
> to have some exams and tests done.
> 
> (in short, they sucked, so she went to a different doctor..)
> 
> On May 5th, the second set of test results came back from the labs.  More
> or less, they ruled out everything severe, and confirmed what the adult 
> nurse had suspected from ten seconds of looking at her and one line on a
> medical chart - Amy had PCOS.  
> 
> PCOS is more or less an endocrine disorder.  She doesent get enough estrogen
> (female hormones) in her system.  Therefore, the testosterone that *is* in
> her system (yes, women have it too, just not as much as men) dominated her
> personality.  Instead of being nice and sweet and feminine, she was a raging
> pissed-off bitch.  Without the estrogen to "balance" things out, she was 
> basically having permanent eternal PMS.  This went on for *decades* before a
> kind nurse saw something and made a suggestion.  That kind suggestion ended up
> changing her life - and mine too - for the better.
> 
> The endocrinologist put her on a standard normal cycle of birth control pills,
> which has balanced out and returned her hormone levels to "normal".  
> 
> Within 48 hours of her getting on these pills, it was amazing.  She was 
> COMPLETELY different.  I even asked her once, "Okay, who are you, and what
> have you done with my wife?"  She was SO nice, SO different from before, that
> I got *paranoid*.  I was convinced that she was just being nice to me for some
> other reaosn, that she wanted something or was hiding something.  Good to say,I was totally wrong. 8-)  The Amy that I remembered, that I had originally
> fallen in love with four years ago, was back.  She's nice.  She's kind.  She
> greets me at the door after work with a hug and a Coke with ice.   Heck, she
> doesent even yell at the pets anymore!  She says that now its *hard* to get
> mad - when before, something even minorly out of whack would cause her to
> completely fly off the handle without reason and be a raging bitch.  From 
> talking about things, apparently when we first fell in love, the endorphins
> served the same function as estrogen - and "masked off" the anger and 
> temper she had.. so when we "settled down", that went away, and she was no
> longer "balanced"....  Mentally, figuratively, physically, everything.
> 
> Over the past couple of weeks, I've fallen in love with my wife all over
> again.  Its like a different world - she's less grouchy; in return I'm less
> grouchy.  We get along better.  We TALK A HELL OF A LOT MORE.  LOTS more.  
> We laugh.  We cuddle (yeah, like you wanted to know that).  We go driving 
> around just to explore.  I teach her about cars (soon to be stick-shift 
> driving lessons) and old 1970s computers.  She teaches me about her favorite 
> music.
> 
> Its an entirely new world.  Its amazing.  THE SUN IS SHINING AGAIN.  I've
> fallen back in love with my wife.  She's fallen back in love with me.  Things
> couldnt be much better at this point, I think.
> 
> I know in the past that Amy's temper has caused some "dissention in the
> ranks" here on the geeks list (and rescue too, for that matter).  People
> have unsubscribed, or been forcibly unsubscribed, because of her pure anger 
> on what should be minor debates or fun discussions.  I dont blame them - keep 
> in mind that I had to LIVE with it from day to day, and not just in email.  
> I had stuff thrown at me (fortunately, her aim sucks!) 8-)  (had to replace a 
> couple of remote controls, though..)
> 
> I know these are "my" lists.  I know that I can do whatever I want with them.
> However, you guys (and gals) are a community.  I value this community, because
> I dont have many friends - you people are my friends and family.  I value your
> opinions and thoughts.
> 
> I've come to ask.  Would anyone mind if Amy comes back on the geeks and/or
> rescue mailing lists?  I miss her commentary, and female point of view on
> a lot of the things we talk about.  I talk to her every day - but enjoyed
> her being on the lists as well.  I promise you that her blinding furious
> anger is GONE now - she's a completely different person (and will freely
> admit this to anyone who asks).
> 
> I'm asking as another list member, not as the guy who runs everything.  
> I dont consider myself a dictator, or anything like that - I just happen to 
> be the person whose machine everything is hosted from.
> 
> So, what do you say?  Thoughts, comments, anything, appreciated.  Please
> feel free to let me know, either here, or private email.
> 
> Thanks for listening to my huge long 160-line rant.  Other than Amy, you
> people are some of my only friends.  
> 
> Bill
> 
> (footnotes: http://www.apneanet.org and http://www.pcos.net, for more 
>  information on our conditions..)