[rescue] air-borne ass particles

[Amy]

On Mon, 25 Feb 2002, Derrick D. Daugherty wrote:
> note: this will probably be my last post for a while.  I think it's time
> I take my leave as well.

why?

> It doesn't make sense to me why people on mailing lists get angry, and
> use that emotion to fuel their words.  in my little reality adults
> discuss things and don't insult one another.

derrick, i am angry every single day of my life for many reasons. it's
because i tend to worry or care too much--that's a big crime and a fault
in a.d. 2002, or didn't you know? so when i get shit on one too many times,
i explode. it's called venting--apparently everyone else here
can vent but i'm not allowed to. fine, i'll just start up target shooting.
i'm sure that'll instill the fear of god in the locals (and i'm only halfway
joking).

> I live in la-la land though and I'm fortunate enough to be able to
> control my surroundings.

all i've been doing is doing what my husband asks me to do--which is to
control these surroundings.

> I read the above as Amy requesting feedback about the situation.

add a 'distraught' in there and you've got it.

> I read this as Dan's opinion and his take on things.  Something he's
> completely entitled too.  I do not see any insulting or
> inflammatory/flame-bait remarks, only observances.

uh-huh. and if you saw it in various forms over the past 4 years, you'd
also see where i see it as another "amy's a bitch with a stick who kicks
people off the list for not breathing properly in her presence", which is
utter and complete bullshit, from my observation.

> I have no problem with either of you deciding who can play in the
> sandbox and who has to sit in time-out.

no, but you (and others) do have problems when it gets too much for me and
i, like all human beings, vent the stresses somewhere.

> > i'm sure that more than a few people (including you)are under the asinine
> > assumption that i stand fully at the ready to kick you off the list if you
> > so much as disagree with me. if you want to go about your lives being wrong, > far be it for me to stop you.
>
> This is my observance:  this insulting retort is completely uncalled
> for.  He was having a discussion, he was not attacking you, but now
> you're on the offensive.  Saying he lacks the ability to have
> intelligent thought and likening him to an ass doesn't seem to fit the
> intended mood of the post.

yeah, i'm on the offensive there. i get real tired of being accused of
<see above> and eventually i tell others back what i think about it all.
bottom line is that his post was the straw that broke the camel's back. if
direct honesty of thought is misconstrued as insulting, then fine, i
insulted him as much as he and everyone else has been insulting me for
years. i'd still rather be direct and honest than lie and pretend all's well
in bill and amy's list-land when we're both upset and hurt by all the bullshit
allegations coming up time and time and time again that have no basis in
fact, only paranoia.

> > > they don't last long around here.  Please don't misinterpret me, I'm not
> > > taking a stab at you or Bill or anyone else, I'm just calling it as i
> > > see it.
> >
> > right. well, how you see it is completely wrong.
>
> The guy's being as kind as could be and you're completely going off on
> him.  I assume I'll be the target of love after this.  Which is
> unfortunate, but for some reason I didn't think it right to just go off
> on him.

here's the big problem, derrick. everybody assumes too much, you want
answers, all you have to do is ask. there isnt any wondering or assumption
to it and thats what angers me the most--that people (you and a half
zillion others) just dont get--a very simple concept of not pussyfooting
around with words.

i answered the guy and told him directly that he was wrong. there's no
emotion behind that at all, just a statement of fact. now, how is this
bad? because you or he chooses to not believe it?

you assume that i'm going to come after you, full of hellfire and venom,
right? meanwhile the reality is i'm very upset and hurt by every single
bit of this. some people curl into a corner and cry when they are hurt.
when i am hurt i tend to lash out at what is hurting me.

> I thought you knew how much we all appreciate what you and bill do.
> Hell, all the hardware, b/w, software, etc etc donations speak for it in
> material ways.

bill, yes. me, no. you know what i get? guilt trips, allegations, lies,
and hurt. i know each and every person who has ever said 'thank you amy'
or included me in a thank you (as opposed to saying bill alone or bill's list
or thank you bill). every one of them i can name. each one means more to
me than i can ever express because they didnt leave me out like the rest
have done and shunted me to the side like some tagalong puppy.



> The amount of good people get from these resources,
> knowing some guy's ass was saved from help on one of these lists, must be
> immeasurably fulfilling.  I admire the good that this little server has
> shared back to the world.

nice, very optimistic. unfortunately there's balance and with the balance
comes the negative things. like having a mailing list or people on a list
hurt you repeatedly and your relationship. takes time away from the world,
9 hours a day of time that you could otherwise be doing other things but you
can't cause its part of your job. there are many times when i have woken up my
husband at 4am because of something going on one of these lists. for instance,
last night or the night before when dave went off on kenneth. i walk into the
bedroom, worried sick because dave is an easygoing fellow who just blew his
left nut all over a mailing list and im worried if he's ok--or at least not
dying of a stroke, if kenneth is thinking the whole world hates him,
worrying if it'll cause a big brouhaha, worrying over the words i choose to
say please calm down, of having to wake bill up to reply in kind because that
is what i am supposed to do--worry, care, keep order.

it's all too easy for you guys, having been on the internet for years and
closeted yourselves off from the world and forgetting that there is a
person behind the monitor. i have not and will never learn this. it's
probably why i have lost 1/4 of my hair over the last three years...
worrying and caring about people i have come to know here, even if 90% of
them appear to despise my ass.

> It's good to know there are other freaks and geeks out there but I can't
> take the s/n right now.  Maybe in a later slice of life.

bill and i have been discussing shutting the entire box down. funny, we're
in the same situation. it's ironic considering that i was the one who
initially suggested even putting the mailing lists on sunhelp, isnt it?
bill didn't really want to at the time.

> Hope ya don't hate me Amy, but I honestly think he was just trying to
> honestly answer your email.   I think you proved his point for him.

i dont hate people who i hug. i'm sorry and upset that you'd think i
would. as for his point, each side has a story and so far noone's taken
ten minutes to hear mine completely before putting out a judgement call.

> I look forward to the continued friendship.

i look forward to peace and quiet. i'd rather you not unsub yourself. i'll
save us all the root of all trouble, apparently, and unsub myself instead.

perhaps it'll even make you happy.

--a