[rescue] FREE STUFF in Austin, TX

[Jonathan Katz]

Josh wrote:
> If I found the right person, I'd give up anything for her.  If she tries
> to change me/be a Nazi, she probably isn't the right person then.  But,
> what do I know.  Just more excessively idealistic theories from this guy.

If it happens it happens, right? [ I promised myself I wasn't going to add
to this thread because of recent events in my life, but fsck-it(tm) ]

Changes take two forms-- altering yourself to fit an expectation you don't
agree with (see "Saving Silverman" which was a God-awful movie) or changes
to better what kind of person you are (since you agree with those
expectations and see them as positive goal-- dining rooms are for food,
not VAXen, etc.)

Although there are a lot of situations that seem to fit the yuppie (or
redneck) fairy-tale that "men get married expecting women to stay the
same; women get married expecting to change their man" that's not the way
it really is or should be.

Too many people get upset and use the above one-liner as an excuse over
the small stuff. way too many guys I know who are married miss the
fellatio they once received while dating and are confused at this whole
'vacuuming once per week thing.' Some recently married women I know don't
understand that their men do the dishes only when the sink is full of
dirty ones. The guys view that difference over the dishes as some kind of
negative disdain. That kind of stuff isn't about "changing who someone is"
as much as it is altering a routine to keep a household running. It is no
secret guys can live without copious amounts of oral sex and we can do
dishes more than once a week. It isn't the happiest of circumstances but
it honestly isn't that big a deal. I guess it is more of a compromise of
being domesticated.

My last girlfriend made me want to be a better person. Here I am, average
Jon IT dude. She had a degree in aerospace engineering but taught special
ed for a living-- she spent a chunk of her summers volunteering at camps
for the mentally handicapped. Her actions inspired me that I needed to do
more than sometimes tossing change out the window to the folks soliciting
for Riley's Hospital. I'm now the youth advisor for a youth group for 5th
and 6th graders. I guess that's a good anecdote of a positive change. Of
course she dumped my dumb-ass (OVER THE PHONE LAST WEEK) but that's another
story. Me being a youth advisor wasn't a change I made for her, it was
something I did for me.

Let's hypothetically pick on a Dave, since he has more gear than any of
us and we're all jealous we're losing this particular penis-size war. Let's
say Dave's prayers are answered and he finds the perfect woman. They settle
down (she moves in) and then they decide to hatch offspring. Oh no! Dave's
house is too full of Cray gear and Scanning Electron Microscopes and things
which would be considered choking hazards to young children! "I can't do
that, Dave" Dave's wife says (when it comes to raising kids in such a 
cluttered house.) Moving into a bigger house for all his stuff or putting
some of it into storage isn't changing who Dave is as a person, it's a
domestic compromise so Dave Jr. doesn't wind up accidentily choking on a 
SRAM chip or DaddyDave or MommyDave don't trip over a spare IOS cable
while carrying Dave Jr.

Now if Dave's hypothetical wife says "No, you can't go over to Nicewonger's
house anymore" after Mike asks Dave "Would you like to play a game?" is
an example of the less-existant "change you who are" type thing which doesn't
happen all that often. If Dave wants to keep wife happy he can't go over to
Mike's house and play Adventure on his DG Nova anymore. If Dave can't do that,
Dave's hypotehtical wife loses a part of Dave's personality (the quirky sense
of humor we all get after being TRAPPED IN A MAZE OF TWISTY PASSAGES, ALL
LIKE.) Things like this seem to provide marriage therapists quite a bit of
job stability.

Oh well, I guess that's more fodder. Us young guys shouldn't worry, anyway,
go out there, soil our royal oats. For you older single guys, I can always
try and fix you up with my sister :)

-Jon

ObJoke: Find all the movie references in this mail.
ObNote: This really doesn't belong on rescue@ and I don't feel right about
writing this here. Oh well, the thread had been there for a while.