[geeks] just for you guys....

[Amy]

On Sat, 13 Apr 2002, alex j avriette wrote:
> > turn around and start tormenting others who have chosen to just "put up
> > with" the abuse. there are two ways to deal with this:
> putting up with is not the same as not being bothered by it.

it's kinda difficult to not be bothered by it when it occurs repetitively.
but then i don't think you can comprehend emotions, no offense.

> my dad used to tell me when i was a kid and i had to deal with bullies
> (its a long story) that "it takes more energy to hate somebody than it
> does to ignore them." so being hostile and "not putting up with" is
> really just giving in. youre dedicating your time and energy, stressing
> yourself out over words. like i said. words are just electrons (or
> vibrations in meatspace). theyre transient, useless, and dont mean
> anything.

anger doesnt stress me out. being hostile doesn't particularly stress me
out. being nicey nicey stresses me out.

> words are simply the description of somebody else's reality, and have no
> bearing whatsoever on you. so, feh, if i think bill looks like a woman
> or you look like a man or my girlfriend doesnt think i do X enough, fuck
> em. it doesnt really matter.

no, it doesn't. as long as you don't let it affect you. but there are far
more people wandering around who it does affect than those who are able to
continually ignore it over time. its a hard thing to forget or to live
with being insulted and taunted and tormented on a regular basis.

> no, i did not.

ok. i cant argue a statement that was taken one way and which was meant
another. its a draw, although perhapos if you spend so much time with lots
of people who infer the wrong thing you might want to rethink how you say
things?

> i'll say something here since we're both being frank, and
> i hope you dont get terribly upset about it (because truth be told i
> like you and bill, and indeed the whole list). ive known a long string
> of people in my life, who, for whatever reason, simply have defective
> self confidence registers.

i'll agree with this. but i also know that thanks to a few kind people i'm
a whole lot better than i used to be. the kind remarks always stand out
more than the mean ones because they always seem to come in a lesser
abundance.

>  90% of the time, this isnt the case at all. so i tell these
> people "do not attribute to me that which was created by your own
> insecurities."

a lot of the insecurities are created by the poking fun, the remarks, the
cruelty. so it lies at both ends. which would you rather bite off and
chew, the chicken or the egg first?

> your intent was to make bill uncomfortable in a public manner? wow. that
> is pretty mean.

i never said i was a nice person. i said i was an honest person. :)

> you can make your point clear to somebody by sending
> smoke signals, morse code, email, sms, yelling, whispering, or touching.
> just to name a few. you dont have to do it in a painful way if you can
> get it across by just bringing it up over a gyro.

i could've, but it wouldn't have worked. believe me, i know this man. it
wouldn't have worked this time. he's stubborn. :)

> i contend that was your point. personally i think thats childish, but
> you know my opinion on what other people think, so feel free to
> disregard.

it's taking the shortest path to proving a point. i hate dicking around.

> and this again is the insecurity talking.

actually no, it's extreme sarcasm. doesn't come across well in ascii.

> this really has nothing to do with me.

you opened the can of worms by saying that you'd be pretty pissed if your
girlfriend took you to task on a mialing list.

> if you are uncomfortable with how you look, fine.

nope.

> if you are uncomfortable with the way you feel people perceive your
> relationship with bill, fine.

nope. it works. i suppose there are some detractors but it works well and
therefor they're in the wrong. no harm, no foul.

--a