[geeks] just for you guys....

[alex j avriette]

> i'd say most of us were taunted in one way or another. the problem is 
> that
> when you get a few hundred thousand of them together at the same time, a
> hierarchy starts appearing. those that were tormented the most generally

only if you care about said hierarchy. people can arrange themselves 
whatever way they want, but it doesnt amount to squat. thats what i keep 
telling you.

> turn around and start tormenting others who have chosen to just "put up
> with" the abuse. there are two ways to deal with this:

putting up with is not the same as not being bothered by it.

> 1. turn a blind eye and be a coward
> 2. simply not put up with this sorta bullshit.
>
> care to guess which category i fall into?

my dad used to tell me when i was a kid and i had to deal with bullies 
(its a long story) that "it takes more energy to hate somebody than it 
does to ignore them." so being hostile and "not putting up with" is 
really just giving in. youre dedicating your time and energy, stressing 
yourself out over words. like i said. words are just electrons (or 
vibrations in meatspace). theyre transient, useless, and dont mean 
anything.

words are simply the description of somebody else's reality, and have no 
bearing whatsoever on you. so, feh, if i think bill looks like a woman 
or you look like a man or my girlfriend doesnt think i do X enough, fuck 
em. it doesnt really matter.

what matters to me is what makes me happy, not what other people think 
about me. at the end of the day, ive got my unix, ive got my perl, and 
my music. none of which care whether i weigh 150lbs of 350lbs.

>> i never said anything remotely like you should watch what you say. that
>> was _you_, dear.
>
> you inferred it, that's enough for me.

no, i did not. i'll say something here since we're both being frank, and 
i hope you dont get terribly upset about it (because truth be told i 
like you and bill, and indeed the whole list). ive known a long string 
of people in my life, who, for whatever reason, simply have defective 
self confidence registers. no matter how good you tell them they are, or 
how pretty, or whatever, they are just unhappy about themselves. often 
times, this leads to somebody saying that i have inferred something or i 
have implied something or some action i made actually meant _something 
else_. 90% of the time, this isnt the case at all. so i tell these 
people "do not attribute to me that which was created by your own 
insecurities."

i am totally inept at the subtle. if i mean something, i say it.

>> i think taking bill to task like that publicly was kind of unfair to
>> him. i'd be pretty pissed off if my girlfriend did that to me.
>
> as if taking him "to task" privately would serve any other purpose? as 
> far

your intent was to make bill uncomfortable in a public manner? wow. that 
is pretty mean. you can make your point clear to somebody by sending 
smoke signals, morse code, email, sms, yelling, whispering, or touching. 
just to name a few. you dont have to do it in a painful way if you can 
get it across by just bringing it up over a gyro.

> as i see it, he was reminded of his own medicine and he didn't like it 
> (as
> he shouldn't). while yes, i'm sure most husbands/boyfriends dont like 
> being

i contend that was your point. personally i think thats childish, but 
you know my opinion on what other people think, so feel free to 
disregard.

> forbid a man not be pissed off when the little woman happens to be 
> right.
> oh no, that must mean he's whipped, right?) but it won't do a damn bit 
> of

and this again is the insecurity talking.

this really has nothing to do with me.

if you are uncomfortable with how you look, fine.
if you are uncomfortable with the way you feel people perceive your 
relationship with bill, fine.

but it isnt _my_ problem, and i rather resent being ascribed all these 
feelings that come from _you_, and not _me_.

> good. you see, he knows i was pissed off cause i *said* i was pissed 
> off.
> then we move on, laugh a little at how long it take me to find my bra 
> in the
> morning and go hunt down the wild, elusive gyro for lunch.

yup.

alex