[geeks] Re: RE: [rescue] OT: ADD - MOVING to geeks

[Mike Hebel]

> 90% of the time the situation is that everyone's saying "poor you" instead
> of "here's what you could do to change things and how".
> 
> See, right now people should be saying "Poor Amy, she shouldn't have dumped
> a quarter cup of sugar on her cheerios this morning. She shoulda been good
> and just taken 'em neat." This would do nothing except propel me to put
> more sugar on my cheerios in retaliation.
> 
> What might have worked is if someone could have said "How bout a teaspoon
> of sugar instead so you don't wind up ill this afternoon?"
> 
> Big difference between should've and could-you-beacause when it comes to
> dealing with cheerios, emotions, and depression.

Ahhh!  The "orders" versus "suggestions" problem.  Living with my mother 
I know this one well.

"You need to slow down and not work you body so hard - you'll get sick. 
  You're not thin you know."

instead of

"Are you looking after your body.  You might get sick if you work it too 
hard.  You could stand to lose a little weight."

See the distinction?

The other annoying one is the "failure to accept" your choices:

"You need to go to church more often."

"Mom, I'm Pagan.  I don't go to church."

"You need to go to church more often."


There's a whole host of others but I'll refrain from filling up Bill's 
list server with them. *grin*

Mike Hebel