[geeks] Avoiding Blowhard Syndrome redux..

[Mike Hebel]

On Sunday, February 2, 2003, at 04:44 PM, Bill Bradford wrote:

> On Sun, Feb 02, 2003 at 04:37:54PM -0600, Amy wrote:
>> I married a fairly unmanly guy, I guess
>
> HEY NOW. 8-)

That's ok we think you're thpecial anyway. ;-)

>> 'cause he tells me what he's
>> feeling or what he's thinking and doesn't think he'll be debased for 
>> it.
>
> Side effect of being raised in a single-parent family (my parents 
> divorced
> when I was 9, and I grew up living with mom, hardly ever talking to or 
> seeing
> my father..)

I learned such skills when I was much younger and part of an extended 
Italian family where everyone knew everyone and everyone knew what was 
going on so you had no choice but to talk about it.  Then I went into a 
public school for 3rd grade on and all the rules changed.  Now I'm just 
starting to finally get past the "anything to avoid embarrassment" 
stage.  It's still hard to stick my nose out unless I feel really 
confident about the situation.

> In fact, I havent seen my father in ten years, and have talked to him 
> on the
> phone maybe twice in that time.  I get email from him, but its spam and
> chain-mail.

I'm sorry to hear that - it sounds eerily familiar to me from years past.
I finally got to know my father again within the last couple of years.  
He was one of the first line of programmers in the '70s and inherited 
all the stress from that and my mother.  He started smoking pot many 
years ago then finally cleaned up a couple of years back.  It's good to 
know my father a little better as a person.

>> Maybe it's not accepted by most other men for men to be unmanly and to 
>> be
>> emotional..but most women would lay themselves at your feet praising 
>> god
>> or whoever if you did. Seriously. It makes things much much nicer. Your
>> sex life will improve by the thousandth degree. Marriages would 
>> improve or
>> be formed, etc. I cannot stress how much emotional feedback means to
>> women. It's like we're plants and it's the CO2 or something.
>
> I was told more than once (not by Amy) that I was "too nice".  WTF?
> What is it with the women that expect guys to be assholes?

I think it's that whole "bad boy" image thing mixed in with "There's got 
to be a flaw somewhere - he's too good."  I've experienced the "friend" 
thing many times before I met my wife.

>> There comes a point where the outlet isn't to be had here. There are 
>> other
>> lists, livejournals, etc. that would be more suited to his life story 
>> or
>> whatnot than geeks at .
>
> I suggested LiveJournal in my mail; IMHO that would be a *perfect* 
> outlet for
> him.

I count him among the survivors whatever his personal problems are.  
He'll find a solution - like we all do.

Mike Hebel