[geeks] Bwahahaha!

[David Cantrell]

Yes, I know the first few lines look like the Nigerian Scam, but read on ...

> From: cisler [mailto:cisler at pobox.com]
> Sent: February 27, 2002 12:43 PM
> Cc: Cisler
> Subject: For Your Consideration
> 
> Good day sir/madam/network administrator:
> 
> Can you be surprised to receive this letter? No, I thought not. Your
> establishment is well known, and I received your email and contact
> information from your embassy and the domain registrar. My name is Frances
> Kellyng, and I was oversight officer for Global Crossing and Enron companies
> in the area of network services.  As you know, both companies have declared
> bankruptcy, but in November, 2001, before all of the bad news was public,
> CEO's John Legere and Kenneth Lay, began re-allocating various resources
> into safe areas, off-shore banks, and storage media away from company
> properties.
> 
> I know most of the subsequent publicity concerned the flow of money, yet Lay
> instructed his lieutenants to charge up more than 2 million NiMH batteries
> and shipped these to a storage depot in an abandoned salt mine in Kansas.
> This electricity is still unaccounted for. Were it recovered, it could
> supply more than one million PDA users with electricity for two days, or
> personal vibrator owners with hundreds of thousands of hours of pleasure.
> 
> Secretly, Legere, on the other hand, commandeered two container loads of
> fiber-optic cable and siphoned off more than 83 terabits which are flowing
> in a loop but off the Internet backbone of Global Crossing. These
> semi-trailers are running off of diesel generators in the Nevada desert near
> Black Rock Desert. Luckily, I have network topology charts for both Enron
> and Global Crossing, and I have located more than 224 terabits of bandwidth
> hidden in supposedly dark fiber.  For instance, Michael Eisner (CEO of
> Disney, Inc) has a house in Aspen, Colorado with 24 miles (about 40 km) of
> fiber, but he just spends two weeks in December at the residence, and so I
> have been able to store a great deal of bandwidth there for the time being.
> 
> Lamentably, I know of the problems of Internet access and constrained data
> flow in places where the market and regulations have not kept up with the
> demand by citizens and businesses for better connectivity.
> 
> Even though this bandwidth will benefit your business and other
> organizations located in countries where connectivity is scarce, your help
> is essential.  Because the bandwidth caches are in such large quantities, I
> need the assistance of places where there is a shortage.  As you know,
> nature abhors a vacuum, but in this case, nature needs a little push. Sort
> of a peer-to-peer pump priming to start the flow. The disequillibrium
> between the bandwidth excess here and the relative void in your network can
> be negated if you send me 50 Gigabytes of data (no spam please) for every
> terabit that you can use.  While I realize this is a sizable chunk for a
> country such as yours, the benefits will be substantial. The data can
> include digitized cultural patrimony, personal data of citizens and
> companies, GIS and cartographic information, geologic and soil surveys,
> newspaper data banks, and consumer spending habits for your country.
> 
> Realistically, the best procedure is to send me your network servers and
> routers access information, as well as your personal cellular and fixed
> phone numbers. I will then provide a trace route between your site and one
> of the banks of bits. Once you have primed the terabit pump with your
> contribution, your personal terabit transfer will take place. It is best to
> keep this extremely confidential, and you must act quickly because the
> topology maps I have may be out-of-date as the company resources are
> re-deployed or sold. Let us work together to put this bandwidth to good use,

-- 
Lord Protector David Cantrell | http://www.cantrell.org.uk/david

One person can change the world, but most of the time they shouldn't
    -- Marge Simpson